What is the deal with delivery guys?

Why do they promise that they’ll deliver your new washing machine at a particular time, when they obviously have no intention of doing so? You si t there waiting, waiting, waiting, like a shag on a rock, telling yourself to be patient. You can’t pop out for even a minute. If you so much as head out into the back yard to hang up the washing you know that on your return you’ll find one of those little “while you were away' cards wedged in your front door telling you that you’ve missed the delivery and that you’ll have to wait until you die before they can deliver it again.

And then you get tired of waiting and you call them, saying, “You said you’d deliver it between 8 am and 1pm.” And they say, “Yes sir, between 8 and1 but not necessarily on the same day,”' and then they put you on hold, and while you’re on hold the delivery guy sneaks up to your door (they’re all in this together) pretends t o knock and then with all the skill and dexterity of a safe cracker inserts the dreaded card in your door jamb and pads silently back to his van, which rolls down the hill, with the ignition off, and out of your life without a sound.

And then you call the phone robot again and tell them that he was just here and you didn’t hear his knock and can’t somebody call him and get him to come back and what am I paying you people for! And then it all goesquiet while the operator writes ‘difficult customer’ on your file, because they keep files on you, you know they do, we all know they do, and you know that you’ll never ever see another delivery driver again and if you want your purchase you’re going to have to go and get it yourself from their delivery depot somewhere in Malaysia.

 This is my new washing machine. Teh first one I've ever bought by myself. I nicked back to the shop to take a picture of it, after seeing Amberley (I bumped into her after buying it and asked her to pop over and try it out). She looke damazing and although we haven't spoken in a long time we clicked. I hope it arrives soon. I hope she does come around to have a look at it. I sent her teh pic. Was that a good idea? Excited.

Rules of engagement Part 2

On a slightly different note: it is permissible to fall in lust with your partner’s friends, even if you’re still in love, and living with, your partner. It is even permissible to flirt with them, although it is not advisable to do so when your partner is actually there in teh room with you. It is not permissible, though, to gently place your hand on the friend’s knee at a dinner party, even if your partner is out of the room. Nor is it particularly well-behaved to then let that hand slide along her thigh until it touches the hem of her skirt even if you’re drunk and even if the friend does nothing to stop you, but we all make mistakes and if it stops at that then there’s no real harm done - is there?

 i typed 'hand under skirt' into Google images and this was one of the pictures that popped up. If anyone can explain teh connection I'd love to hear from them.

Rules of engagement

Heal Your life in & days and those other bloody waste of time "you can learn to wipe your own shitty bumof a life" books could benefit from a bit more advice like this:

If you find yourself with one of your ex’s friends you must ensure that you appear totally calm and detached.

Under no circumstances should you be the first to mention your ex’s name, nor should you show any emotional weakness i.e. you can’t be seen to care, and most important of all you can’t cry or act miserable because that news will get back to your ex like wild fire and there’s nothing women hate more than a crying man.

They’re all told as they grow up that they should want sensitive men, men who are in touch with their feelings and are able to cry, but they soon realize that they don’t. A crying man is pain in the arse. A crying man is messy. A crying man is not sexy, not reliable, not solid enough. Women do the crying and men either ignore them or comfort them; they do not join in. Once they realize just how little they can expect to get from men, except in terms of disappointment, women quickly decide just how little, in return, they are going to put up with, and a man who behaves like a woman has got no chance.

Women don’t want new age men, or metro-fucking-sexuals, with more pots of moisturiser than they have and an endless ability to empathise with them and their girlfriends. They want an old fashioned man who can hammer a nail in straight, bring home a wage, comfort them when they cry and who won’t burden them with feelings of his own.

Having said all that, however, it is permissible to let just enough of a hint of pain to show from behind your big blokey screen for your ex’s friend to feel the need to reach out and pat your hand. Of course, you’ll tell her that you’re OK, and you’ll brush her hand away as you flash your big blokey smile, but if she’s persistent and all this hand touching leads to something more, well…you’re a single man now aren’t you?