First date nerves

You know what it’s like when you’re 15 and you’re on a date with a girl for the first time, and you’re in the movies and you can’t really believe that this girl is out with you because she actually likes you? You’re convinced that there’s no way she can be in to you as much as you’re in to her, and that she’s only agreed to go out with you for some reason you’ll never understand.

It took all the guts you’ll ever have to ask her out and you can’t believe she said yes. It then took all the sneaky smarts you’ve got to get some money out of your parents, without telling them you need it for a date, because you couldn’t stand them asking you about her. Bringing your parents into the world of a first date is a bad thing. They’d want to know what she’s like, and where are you going, and heaven forbid, they might realize they’ve never had “that talk” with you and so they might think this is the perfect time to do so.

And then there’s the choice of movie: should it be something she’ll like; something you like; something you’ll both like; or should you go and see Scream and hope that you score scare factor cuddles?

Of course, you let her decide, and so off you go to see Clueless, or no wait, it was Romeo and Juliet, not that you really care; you have other things on your mind. You’re going over those, “other things” in your head, weighing up the evidence and seeing how it falls. This is your case:

1.     Let’s assume, as crazy as it may seem, that she agreed to come out on a date with you because she actually likes you.

2.     Therefore, she probably wouldn’t go berserk if you put your arm around her.

3.     It is also within the bounds of reason to assume, from the above, that if she is willing to let you go that far, she might also be amenable to you kissing her, and to perhaps engaging in a limited uni - or multi - lateral exploration of each other’s territory.

This all makes perfect sense to you on an intellectual level, but how do you put it into practice?

It seems completely beyond the realms of all possibility that you might just simply put your arm around her as she sits next to you. You just can’t do it. It cannot happen. You spend the first thirty minutes of the film searching in vain for a strategy that might enable you to do so, while she’s obviously thinking that you’re some kind of retard for not doing so, but nothing comes to mind. You could pretend you’re tired and stretch your arms above your head, letting one casually fall across her shoulders, but you know you haven’t even got the guts to do that. You hate the fact that boys have to do all the hard work, while she just sits there sucking on Fantales, apparently engrossed in Olivia Newton John and Gene Kelly’s roller skating routines.

You start to sweat. You sense defeat. Then she turns just a little in her seat (she’s probably just getting comfortable) and you shift a little too and then she looks at you and you at her and you’re doing it. You’re pashing at a movie with a girl, and you don’t know how it happened, but your arm is around her too, both your arms, in fact, are around her. What’s more you can feel her breasts pressed against your chest and you’d like to go there too, but you think you’d better quit while you’re ahead and leave that to a second date, or at least to when you’re snogging on the train home.