Note to Elf

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Rules of engagement

Heal Your life in & days and those other bloody waste of time "you can learn to wipe your own shitty bumof a life" books could benefit from a bit more advice like this:

If you find yourself with one of your ex’s friends you must ensure that you appear totally calm and detached.

Under no circumstances should you be the first to mention your ex’s name, nor should you show any emotional weakness i.e. you can’t be seen to care, and most important of all you can’t cry or act miserable because that news will get back to your ex like wild fire and there’s nothing women hate more than a crying man.

They’re all told as they grow up that they should want sensitive men, men who are in touch with their feelings and are able to cry, but they soon realize that they don’t. A crying man is pain in the arse. A crying man is messy. A crying man is not sexy, not reliable, not solid enough. Women do the crying and men either ignore them or comfort them; they do not join in. Once they realize just how little they can expect to get from men, except in terms of disappointment, women quickly decide just how little, in return, they are going to put up with, and a man who behaves like a woman has got no chance.

Women don’t want new age men, or metro-fucking-sexuals, with more pots of moisturiser than they have and an endless ability to empathise with them and their girlfriends. They want an old fashioned man who can hammer a nail in straight, bring home a wage, comfort them when they cry and who won’t burden them with feelings of his own.

Having said all that, however, it is permissible to let just enough of a hint of pain to show from behind your big blokey screen for your ex’s friend to feel the need to reach out and pat your hand. Of course, you’ll tell her that you’re OK, and you’ll brush her hand away as you flash your big blokey smile, but if she’s persistent and all this hand touching leads to something more, well…you’re a single man now aren’t you?

Sunday, 28 November 2010

Where's the Geneva Convention of love?

Sorry about the crappy title. Just go with me on this one.

“I think he really loves her too,” said a well meaning friend, as if tht statement explained or justified his part in the affair, or that in some bizarre way I should feel sorry for him, or empathise with him during this difficult period.

Well fuck off I don’t.

Should we be telling the Aborigines, that we understand that they are sad about losing their land and their culture, but that white people really love Australia too. Would we then expect them to turn around and say, “Oh, well that changes everything, please feel free to shaft us in perpetuity”? No we wouldn’t.

Do we expect the relatives of the Americans blown up on September 11^th to really give a shit about the suffering their leaders may or may not have inflicted on the Middle East thanks to their decades long foreign policy of meddling in the internal affairs of so-called Third World countries? Do we expect them to accept, the resentments of the people affected by this policy as a justification for the killing of their families and friends. Of course not...

Just because somebody loves something or wants something that doesn’t give them the right to take it. We all know that we all know that there are rules about right and wrong but..

Sure, we talk about all parties seeing things from all sides, and we call for reasoned understanding, but we don’t really expect it. We know that blood lust is going to rule, that hatreds will be handed down from generation to generation, because when you attack someone...

We end friendships with close friends because they returned a favorite book late or with the cover torn. We fine people and lock them up for stealing teh most petty things yet we regard infidelity – the stealing of trust, surely the most dear thing we have – as something less than that.

We expect the injured parties in those cases to be understanding, to forgive. “do you think you’ll remanin friends we ask?” I mean really. The only reason people stay friends after a relationship is because one or both of them thinks in the back of their minds that there might b the chance of a reconcilliatoin or a t least another shag. Freindship between exlovers on any othe rbasis than that is sick, as is any attempt by the injured party in a love triangle to understand or make some sort of contact with the interloper.

There should be a l aw which locks people up for adultery.

-----

There is no Geneva convention when it comes to love, or to put it bluntly there are no rules in love and war. But there should be.

There should be many rules.

We lock people up for the most trivial offences against our finances and our property but we don’t do a damn thing about those who injure our hearts.

You can lie to your partner and cheat behind his back for months, and get away scot free, even though you’ve probably caused him more pain than anyone else possibly could, but that’s not a crime. Yet going round to her new boyfriend’s place, the guy with whom she had the affair and chopping off his hand with a lightsaber is.

I don’t get it.

Sunday, 21 November 2010

Nothing to say

sometimes I sit here in front of this blog and I feel like I really want to write something but I can't think of anything to say. everything i think of sounds so boring.

I wanted to post a clip of the song Nothing Ever Happens on Mars from the film Waiting for Guffman, bu the tight arses in Guffmanland won't let me embed it. Here's the link if you want to look at it. It's hilarious.

Nothing ever happens in Brunswick either. Does thsi blogging help or does it just fuel the drama in my head? Sometimes I feel so good and then: kablooey I'm right back in miserytown again. I wonder if there's a connection between the words miser and misery. They're both concerned with hanging on to stuff yuo ought to be sharing or at least talking about with others. Maybe I'm being miserly wth my misery, which after all, as teh saying goes, loves company. Should I be sharing this crap. Am I sharing it here on this blog, which no one ever reads? or does teh fact that I know no one ever reads it negate any possible benefit I might derive from having shared it. MAybe I should actually talk to someone. I could talk to Dan, but he'sso caught up in IVF land and with this sitcom, pus he's a fuckenlawyer for chrissakes - do I want to talk to a lawyer about how I feel? Maybe I should just go to bed? It is 5 am and last night's shift was a killer. We were a staff memebr down and being manager that menat I didn't get a break. 8 hours straight of full on punters. PLus I'm seeing double. Not sure if that's fatige or vodka.

Then there are soem things I want to write about in here that I just don't, because I'm afraid that someone will actualy read them.So I guess that means I'm not sharing my feelings and what not after all, not all of them any way, and probably not theo nesthat mater. Wow, that last phrase 'theo nestat mater' sounds like a Latin Motto. Should be on a crest. I wonder if it means something. I wonder if I coud have a motto on this blog. Signing off now to find out.

Friday, 12 November 2010

Georgie Amberley

Georgie Amberley Georgie Amberley Georgie Amberley Georgie Amberley Georgie Amberley Georgie Amberley

Thursday, 11 November 2010

Post melbourne Cup melt down part 2

Do JB still sell cassettes? Do they still sell cassette players? I wish I could make a mix tape of all this stuff. I suppose I could make a play list but it just doesn't seem to have the same romance. I'd like a turntable some vinyl and a tapedeck please santa.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Post Melbourne Cup melt down

Mental long weekend at work. I'm shagged. Today is a couch, remote control, Big M and Tim Tam kinda day. iPod's stuffed. Wish Rage was on. Thank God for Youtube. Some of me faves...

Same as it ever was. Looks a bit like David Tennant as Dr Who.Love this song.

Another Dr Who - Tom Baker with blond hair?

This one has nothing to do with Dr Who.

I don't know why this one is so small

Never though I'd hear this song live.

Monday, 1 November 2010

why do women always buy their drinks separately?

Why don't they go in shouts? And why do they always have to pay with the exact change? And why is it always in 5 cent pieces? Souldn't be blogging at work but then what are mobil phones for?