I can't stop eating and drinking

Man cannot live on bread alone, but if it’s baked thin and crispy and is covered with cheese and salami he’ll give it a red hot go...(I've already done that line, I know that, bt it kind of introduces the next bit nicely)...

He can, however, survive for an awful long time on a combination of vodka and misery.  Sounds like the title of a self help book for boozy twats – and maybe that’s what I should be writing – but its not.  It’s the truth.  You can do it, but you have to work hard to do so.

Vodka is pure.  It has no taste - except for Finlandia which tastes smoky as it’s filtered through charcoal - but it does burn.  It cleanses and strips away everything, even pain, leaving in its wake nothing but scars and ash and rawness.

Misery on the other hand is filthy.  It sits on your skin like coalminer’s grime, abrasively rubbing itself into every pore, clogging them up until they fester and fill with pus, capped with 

You can live on vodka alone, just not for a very long time.

That doesn’t mean you should eat like a pig, although if that works for you then I say go for it brother.  To paraphrase Nietzsche: that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, , and if gorging yourself makes you feel better then who am I to argue with that?  Mind you Nietzsche was a complete looney.  Very strong – legend has it he could crush one of those old steel beer cans with one hand – but stark raving mad in the end, so perhaps we shouldn’t pay so much attention to him.

Maybe we could update what he said though: That which doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger, unless it contains over 50% saturated fat in which case although it may make you stronger, it will also make you a tad lardy too.

I feel sick.